six kinds of glue and more

muzica pe apa sambetei

So we're invited into this arena

which is a very dangerous arena, where the possibilities of humiliation and failure are ample. So there's no fixed lesson that one can learn, because the heart is always opening and closing, it's always softening and hardening. We're always experiencing joy or sadness. But there are lots of people who've closed down. And there are times in one's life when one has to close down just to regroup.

Jian Ghomeshi interviews Leonard Cohen: 'I'm blessed with a certain amnesia'

citesc 'istoria iubirii'

care e o carte minunata.

atat.

p.s. n-am mai gasit incredibly close and extremely loud si mi-am luat krauss sa raman in familie :)

1. 2. 3eeei....si:

concediu!!!

vreau la lisabona sau amsterdam dar asta la toamna si daca. deocamdata merg la sibiu, sighisoara si balcic (unde voi reciti 'panza de paianjen', biensur.)

primul lucru pe lista: somn. atat cat se mai poate. trebuie sa reinvat sa dorm.

in rest: filme, carti, betie, diXtractie.

(si curatenie in camera first. some things never change....)

meanwhile, i have fun wiz funny pipal pi niet. si mi-am facut cont pe twitter (vedeti in dreapta, patratelul bleosiel).

adieu, birou imputit.
ma duc sa-mi iau celalalt foer si sa fac prajitura ;;) (din asta, dar a mea arata mai bine :P)

asculta

k.d. lang - hallelujah


she broke your heart and cut your hair

Dear Ileana,

i hope to god you're more coherent than i am (& if not, i hope you're still surrounded by people who find this funny and sweet).



i hope you're getting more sleep these days (which must mean you found someone you can SLEEP with. or some very good pills.)



i hope you're already happy or that at least you've figured out what happiness is and you're more than dreaming your way towards it.



i hope i've kept you fairly healthy and i promise to play less with our hair so by the time we're 34 we'll still have some left.



by now you may be married. or not. you may have children. or not. you might still be a wanderer. you might have settled down. either way, i'm not putting upon you the burden of any expectations. i just trust you to surprise me. either way :)



however if you're still in a dead end job i hope i've already bumped your head into something so there's a reason for it & we're numbed enough to go on.



dear ileana,



i don't hope for much these days. except healing. do you recall the floating adrift days? please blink once if they're over.



dear ileana,



i hope you've changed into someone better. but that you didn't turn out a self righteous prig.



i hope you still remember me kindly.


xxx,

the girl who used to be you



______________

[stolen from him.]

you spend half your life thinking you're not one of those girls

who scream at concerts.

and then franz ferdinand come to your town.

(almost best weekend ever. will update.)



(well....it seems pretty lame but you had to be there!!! oh and when alex spoke to us in romanian :x )



(and i'll stop before i post the entire concert...)

on a different note

descoperita aici.

tonight:

the perks of being a lip

least important person, that is.

everybody's at some meeting and i am listening to everything i can find from the national and thinking the weather is love-ly* :) (this coming from someone who thought she was going to die this morning because she was feeling sick sick sick and truly beyond exhaustion.)

*also if you're reading this in the future the weather was so not what you would commonly term 'lovely'*

yesterday i bought two bottles of hair treatment and no shampoo :D and today i was just about to light myself a fag cig when it luckily dawned on me at the very last minute [cigarette in my mouth, hand on the lighter] that i am inside the office... so there. see? i really need to sleep.

i'm going to set up this thing called NAUSEA (No Ambitious Urges &/or Self Esteem Anonymous). everyone who wants to join please leave your names and addresses and i'll get back to you (yup, we're going to be anonymous:)) ) i actually believe we'll turn up to be so many we could rule the world (if they do home delivery) & feel completely unworthy of it :D

in other news, i ordered rain for lunch and that's what i got. so very dansul norilor of me... :D

crantz crantz. ma intorc la rontait pastile.

enjoy:

Cold waves kill cool lovers

The National - Sleep All Summer
Asculta mai multe audio Muzica

versurile (plus un link de unde puteti descarca melodia :D aici)

p.s. e cold ways sau cold waves?

petite mort

it is good it is dirty and it is sex
it is the throbbing sadness of dirty sex

not the thing i once had with you
the engulfing peace
the deluging homeness
mind-blowing heart-shattering
intense
and sweet and familiar and becoming

we (did) fit

in the midst of un-fit-ness

we fucked like savage lovers determined to make an art out of it
the moving the pressing the rhythms

with you i wanted to die
with them i am miserable and want to keep on living

regula de 1/2 simpla

Come September - Natalie Imbruglia

Everything wrong
Gonna be alright
Come September

treaba asta e ca bufeurile

it comes and goes but doesn't stop.

Congratulations! You have reached level 4. Press your head against the keyboard to continue.

de fiecare data cand ii auzeam numele ma gandeam la tine

c. -- saten-roscata, par ondulat, putin grasuta si rasfatat-isterica -- era vecina mea
mergeam la aceeasi gradinita
avea bicicleta pegas, patine cu patru roti, truse de machiaj din plastic si papusi barbie cu genunchi si coate flexibile, propria ei combina muzicala si o groaza de casete
de la ea am aflat despre alanis morissette, sinead o'connor si whitney houston
ne jucam de-a twin peaks si ne certam care sa fie laura palmer. rasfoiam pe intuneric adevaratele ei jurnale si urlam cand ala rau incepea sa scrie cu majuscule SUNT AICI DIAVOL SEX O SA TE OMORRRR
cu ea m-am jucat de-a bordelul, am citit pe ascuns mereu aceleasi pasaje din sandra brown si danielle steel si stiam pe de rost trei eseuri asupra sexualitatii (eu voiam sa devin nevrotica si deci artista)
ne povesteam fantezii la timpul trecut (e un baiat la mine in clasa....am fost cu avionul lui pe o insula.....si acolo....) si, in epoca pre-internet, ne explicam singure termeni 'de specialitate' si injuraturi
in timpul unui meci de badminton, c. mi-a spus ca linda, catelusa mea, e homosexuala - o chestie intalnita doar la barbati si la caini, homosexualitatea (ca urmare, cateva luni dupa asta toti adultii de sex masculin din jurul meu au fost judecati pe rand - si condamnati - pentru promiscuitate)

mult timp amintirile despre c. au ramas arhivate in cele mai detestabile sectiuni ale mintii - la Urat, la Gresit, la Murdar (sistemul de catalogare n-a mai fost actualizat de cand eram mica)

printr-a 7a am trecut pe langa ea si am auzit-o cum spune ceva si rade
printr-a 9a mi-a cerut niste bani in curtea liceului
printr-a 11a am auzit ca se drogheaza si e cam curva
printr-a 12a cineva mi-a zis ca ar fi lesbiana
nu-mi mai amintesc cand dupa scoala primara am incetat sa mai fim prietene

imi amintesc perfect insa intensitatea si regulile jocului de atunci, senzatia grozava din timpul si cea groaznica de dupa. sex, fizic, corp, dragoste - baloane gata sa se sparga, incarcate cu vina. nu pentru ca eram fete, ce greseala putea sa fie in asta, ci pentru ca a te gandi, a atinge, a vorbi despre, erau lucrurideoamenimari la care ne era interzis accesul

mi-a luat mult sa nu mai regret copilaria mai plina de prostii decat de prostie, sa inteleg ca asta a fost doar o foarte mica parte din cate s-au intamplat atunci si ca inocenta aia care parea pierduta era (e inca) acolo

"si asta din poster cine e?"
"nici de el n-ai auzit??! michael jackson."

before and after

Stonewall.

doua documentare foarte interesante, fiecare are cate noua parti (sa nu sariti vreuna :P).

iar nu ma mai mut....

cu "m", ati citit bine :P

oboseala. brain death. ipohondria se pregateste sa atace din nou. am...'stari' (urasc asta....la altii :P).

vreau ciocolata, cartofi prajiti si concediu.
(as opposed to bautura, inghetata si carti "relaxante". they don't work for me anymore.)

bla bla bla.
sa-mi spuneti cand v-ati plictisit.
or better still...YOU entertain me. :D

p.s. 'nabadai' are si singular. had no idea. si mai inseamna si criza de epilepsie. go figure. so - nabadai. me has them.

si nu reuseam sa ma trezesc odata, frate!

eram intr-o inchisoare de femei si pt ca eu nu vreau sa dezamagesc niciodata pe nimeni iar ea parea asa de indragostita, ma cuplasem cu o fosta confectionera. nu foarte matahaloasa gagica dar imbracata in maiou alb din tetra si cam proasta. ma simteam super naspa sa ma pup cu ea si astea, da' ce dracu' puteam sa fac altceva? sa discut filozofie?! toata lumea imi zicea sa o las naibii si sa fac cerere sa ma mute in alta celula (intr-a noastra eram vreo patru). da' eu nu voiam sa se simta prost femeia. bai si mi-era asa jena de restu' detinutelor. pfoai! si ma mai enerva si jeanne cand ma chema la vorbitor sa ma intrebe ce-i cu delasarea asta pe mine.

the hours

random rants (chiar nu stiu ce sa mai scriu aici)

a fi nu impreuna vs. a nu fi impreuna.
a ti se da papucii cand esti nu impreuna. (printr-un mail. background a la hallmark cu far si pescarus - o da, o sa urasc nenorocitele astea de pasari de acum incolo.... :P)
a termina cu sentimentul de vina pentru a quick shot of anger ca deh orgoliul....

si ce ma enerveaza cel mai tare in povestea asta e ca se spune/scrie 'giaca', daaaa? (i may be a bitch myself but not one with a 'geaca'.... adica daca tot e sa imi faci reprosuri....c'mon.... choose a different category for 100).

happy thoughts. m-am tuns, arat oribil, m-am ingrasat citesc -in sfarsit- the little stranger. si am o groaza de filme de vazut. fanteziile mele cele mai mari implica un pat si multe ore de somn. pe 13 iulie intru in concediu. se pare ca o sa stau acasa - oriunde va fi atunci 'acasa'. pt ca - sper ca de data asta reusesc sa - ma mut in bucuresti.

continuu sa imi fac prieteni virtuali :) dupa unii (mai vechi) ma uit la concerte :)) cineva a scris despre mine pe un forum. o sa incerc sa nu mai fiu 'bitter' ;)) si nu lucrez in presa. but thank you :)

MISHTO

la concert la gogol bordello aseara :)

weekendul asta ma mut la romexpo: sambata bookfest: carti + mammoth (daca se mai pot lua bilete.... e cu bilete? unde anume ruleaza? n-am inteles nimic de pe site). iar duminica: placebo :D (si dupa dormit prin vecini. ai altora :)) )

Speak in Tongues - Placebo

(pana maine probabil nu o sa mai fie available fisierul asa ca enjoy it while it lasts)

p.s. stiu ca nu prea mai dau pe aici dar sunt (pre)ocupata/agitata/obosita/sictirita and ...meh. these are not good days for science :P

fara numar, fara numar

and you and you and you

in bed with (de ce n-am mai iesit asta-seara)

alanis morissette-ani difranco-bjork-regina spektor-jewel-tori amos-janis joplin-billie holiday



(videoclipul e fascinant)

ma gandeam si ca vorbesc prea mult,

ar trebui sa imi gasesc o alta ocupatie, chestia asta nu rezolva problemele, le mentine, fictionalizand amplific, repetand re-generez

ieri si azi de un foarte scurt si incomplet exemplu:

cu miruna despre the vertigo theory a lui kundera, gender roles, winterson si ishiguro, bisexualitate&monogamie, matters of the heart&body, homosexualitatea in china, tunsori

cu jeanne despre 'teoriile' noastre - avem o groaza, trebuie sa mi le notez, sunt extraordinare (ultima mea 'teorie': cum cei care locuiesc intr-o anumita particica a tarii au o gena a amorului usor, a dulce promiscuitatii :P), despre londra, despre henry al 8lea, despre alegeri (decizii), poezie, cosmetice, retete, zile de nastere, arici :))

cu roxana despre reinventare, vina, translocare, ceva-de-care-sa-te-agati-uri, vise (de noapte), sanatate, copii, planuri, bloguri, stalkareala

cu mara despre revelatii lingvistice, bautura, mancare, freakshi, familia noastra urbana, muzica, bani, viitor, fictiuni telenovelistice, aberatii

cu andreea u. despre gafe si crize, schimbari, e-loc-pt-doi si ce spune demodatul 'suflet' despre asta, nesimtire, final vs fericit

cu andreea m. despre teatru, america, doctori, muzica, rochii, concerte, nu-inca, genti si brizbrizuri

si cu a... cu aaaltii _______________________________________________________
(cum spuneam, ma las de vorbit)

peace will come to me

ma gandeam cum de fapt nu ne nostalgizeaza chestiile pe care ne propunem sa le retinem cum ar fi ochii ei jucat tristi in noaptea aia si vantul turbat care ii zburatacea pleata in toate directiile si stam si suspinam cu o cutie de suc in mana asezati direct pe caldaram in mijlocul orasului precum turistii privind bleg cum palpaie luminitele rosii care scriu "sexshop".

"just wait and see"

despre video am aflat de la miruna. filmat in romania, unele secvente chiar in trenul ploiesti-bucuresti (which makes us stars by proxy, de fapt by personal), bla bla. si e cu maria dinulescu pe care o detest, nu stiu de ce. but here she's quite hot. damn! (poate pt ca nu se miorlaie) sau mi se pare mie?




"There is a radar in my heart"?

mimosae are doin' it for themselves

pt ca nu mai cobora nimeni altcineva la ploiesti m-am opintit si am deschis singura usa trenului. nu am plans, nu m-am impacientat si nu am picat pe frumusete de nas :))

in curand o sa reusesc sa deschid si sticle de vin

si conserve folosind doar cutitul :>

so

i'm back from my guilt trip. but now i feel as if i were 12 yrs old - which is not good either. (unlike yesterday or the day before yesterday when i felt old mature i.e. all grown up and experienced a.s.o. [this being unlike the days previous to these days i have just mentioned when i felt insecure and then bursting with self-confidence, a bit sad but quite rational, having grasped at last the core of my innermost needs and desires - and lost it 5 minutes later.)
ok. ranting. let me rewind: ...feeling as if i were 12 years old and pregnant. no, worse, as if i were 12 yrs old and my girlfriend was pregnant (yup i've taken up hornby again. again as in the same book i was half telling you about back in may as in i haven't read anything for the last few weeks... :"> it was all cluedo and jenga and a guess who you are type of game - oh yes: and feelings and drama ;;)

and what's worse (truly the worst thing possible): no cigarettes (though i do have strawberries - small confort but still). the bloody heat messes with my already poor health. and this i must say/write in romanian: sunt o baba oţărâtă, care face alegeri paguboase si apoi striga zenzenzen.


niiiiimeni nu ma vrea
strugurii sunt acri
la donna e mobile
dammitdammidammit
i'll never be jealous go hungry again

[Exit stage left

welcome to the continuum (suprapuneri)

unde nimic nu se estompeaza totul se suprapune glezne incheieturi maini brate unde ea si ea devin Ea cele pe care le-am iubit si cele pe care le-am lasat sa ma iubeasca alte forme gusturi culori si eu desenand aceleasi iluminuri pe pielea voastra ce usor as putea sa trec dintr-o imbratisare intr-alta v-as saruta cu aceeasi lene si pofta as schimba asternuturile si as face ceai trei cani patru cinci sapte tigari? pentru toate noptile si diminetile prin care am trecut ca o furtuna atunci si acolo am fost sincera daca te musc si inchid ochii daca s-ar putea pentru totdeauna daca inca putin daca ea daca pot atunci o sa fie a mea si eu poate daca tu voi nu tipa inca niciuna

nu mai vreau sa ma luati din viata mea
sa-mi dati cheia de la intrare partea preferata a patului si hainele voastre
nu-mi mai cedati
nu ma mai iubiti dupa trei zile
nu ma mai frumoaso iubita baby iubire bestie
no more bordeline
from either side of the borders

nu mai veniti toate odata
n-o sa va dau nimic dar n-o sa spun nu
o sa va urati intre voi si o sa ma urati si pe mine
i already don't like myself anymore
women are like buses
thank you i'll just take the train back to my place

i'm bad news
i'm still healing
i've changed i'm mean

but not yet heartless

taking a guilt trip that turned into a bloody journey

i'd rather be dumped and suffer for months in a row than be the one who dumps you
three times in less than a month

no more plans and big words i'm sick and i'm tired i lack energy i still love her we have nothing in common maybe just your heartbreak i'm afraid to tell you i miss you i don't want anyone so what if i could finally have my pick right now i don't care

you changed me too
a little
you'll be fine
thank you for the plural

despre barbati cu ficatul marit si dragostea de limba (romana)